A Side Of Disappointment, Please!
The Merriam-Webster definition of disappoint is to fail to meet the expectation or hope of. But in my dictionary, it's the equivalent of seeing a waiter approaching your table with food, but it's actually for another table. Or a romantic relationship not going the way you want it to.
Truly, truly devastating stuff, people.
The hunger is there. The chemistry is reactive enough to start a fire. But every time you get closer and closer to what you asked for, closer to that relationship you picture and believe to be true, your interest takes interest in someone else. Or no one at all. A beautiful grilled cheese sandwich, simply given to another table. The classic statement, "Well, it just wasn't meant to be", starts roaming through your mind. You were not meant to be with him, or her, or that grilled cheese. And before you know it, the waiter is strolling towards your table with an iceberg salad which you didn't order. Disappointment tastes a lot like that salad, flavorless and completely overpriced.
Ultimately, it leaves you wondering if it's even okay to dream big, to want the things that you want, like the people you do, to satisfy your own personal cravings, to fall in love. You feel powerless and nonetheless, disappointed.
But before you dig yourself into a deeper hole, think about why you were disappointed.
Sure, you didn't get what you wanted, but explore the details of the situation. What exactly did you want?
Someone short, tall,
someone older, younger,
someone who laughs at you and with you,
someone who knows your order at restaurants, a grilled cheese with American instead of cheddar (God, I hope that's not what anyone thinks is a grilled cheese sandwich)?
Now that you're thinking about it, are you coming to the conclusion you had no idea what you wanted in the first place?
Disappointment doesn't only stem from knowing what you want and not getting it.
It's also a result of not knowing what you deserve and taking what's in front of you.
I remember fooling around with a few guys (Not at one time, though. I am not the Bachelorette) simply because they were giving me attention. They were right in front of me, no obstacles, just someone who could give me what I wanted in that moment (I just want to re-iterate, these were completely separate occasions and I am not a pimp). The fun was memorable while it lasted, but as time should tell, the relationships, or for the millennials, "undefinables", became unfulfilling. My wants lost value because I kept taking and taking and taking. Giving into drunken make outs, standing by his side while he ignored me and talked to his friends, watching him flirt with other girls from across the room, and texting him late because "I felt like it" or "I missed him". I was too busy trying to fill up the gaping hole of affection in my body, which was only getting bigger all the while.
Eventually, enough bricks of disappointment hit you right in the gut so you're forced to fall on your ass and have a mental breakthrough. And sometimes, you even get a bruise the size of Texas. You realize you deserve better than what you're allowing yourself to take, because what you keep holding on to, just doesn't do the job. Nothing is satisfying and certainly not what you thought you wanted.
There comes a time where a line must be drawn. The wrong orders of grilled cheese and the distasteful salads are driving you and your stomach to the edge (and not of glory). And this is where it get's tricky because there's only one thing that keeps you from leaving: hope.
However, you know when you go to a restaurant enough times to say, "They never get my order right"?
Do you continue to go to that restaurant until it gets a new owner and the menu is totally turned upside down, or do you Google the best grilled cheeses near me? Personally, I would just avoid this entire situation all together and Postmates that shit, but that's just me not wanting to get out of my sweatpants and run into people. Anyways, that's beside the point. The answer to this question is obvious:
Stop going to that restaurant. Stop giving and taking from them.
NEWSFLASH: They don't care enough to get it right!
Find someone new, someone who actually gives a shit about you and your complicated orders. And this time, know what you want, but first and foremost, know what you deserve. So you can get what is right for you.
Because no one wants a crappy, overpriced iceberg salad with a side of disappointment.